Tonight I promised myself I might slide all the way down to the native Mexican joint and “Wolf Down” some critical Tacos. I really like Mexican meals. My Grandmother lived in San Antonio all of her life. She lived in concord and respect together with her Mexican neighbors, and discovered to prepare dinner their delicacies. She would repair these enormous Mexican dinners each Friday night time, and I used to be her “Quantity One Grandson,” so I bought DeLuxe Chow-Down. However now that she is now not with us, I’m resigned to discovering a business institution to fulfill my cravings.
The story begins within the traditional Chef RA style. A bag of Mexican-Grown Michoacan was burning a gap in my pocket. Her hair was Black because the December night time and she or he had brown eyes that pierced your soul just like the sharp stars within the frozen firmament. Little did I do know that my life would grasp within the steadiness on that chilly December night time way back on which I discovered the facility of LATIN LOVE on this season of “Fleece Nevada.” I owe her an excellent debt for saving my life on that fateful night time….
The Munchies began to swell up from inside me as I completed off an enormous spliff of that Michoacan. I wished to sprinkle some garlic, Cilantro, CHILI, Salsa, onion and some MAGIC MUSHROOMS on prime of Christmas Eve dinner. You realize what I imply? Somewhat of the Chef RA culinary remedy on that plate of Rice and Beans! Neglect the Raspberry French dressing on salad greens! It’s time to go South Of The Border with out ever leaving the dinner desk. However tonight if I used to be going to eat some good Mexican meals. I’d need to dine out on the native joint.
Tacos, Tacos, you want Tacos!” the Little Satan On My Shoulders exclaimed. Instantly my rotund Beer Stomach started to growl. My well-developed Pizza Butt wanted one other infusion of CHOLESTEROL! A mammoth plate of wealthy, tacky, beany Mexican Meals! Anticipating the frigid Chicago night time air, I donned giant saggy pants, my Goose-Down Jacket (makes me appear to be “Pop’n’Recent” the Doughboy), and for the crowning contact, a Flaming Pink “DREAD BERET.”
I rolled one other spliff for the lengthy stroll to a Mexican Restaurant {that a} good friend had advised me about known as “El Presidente.” Usually I don’t FLASH my DREADS in Public, however at night time I allow them to down, and stroll the road with the very best Pimpin’, Guiding Stride Steps I can give you. (Helps hold away the “Muggers” to look as deranged as THEY are.) In fact there’s a draw back to my act, as a result of it attracts “LA POLICIA.” However when the Cops bought uninterested in being my private escort, just like the mouse when the cat’s away I fired up that JOINT!
The nice and cozy unique smells of spicy meals from the door of El Presidente beckoned me like FUNKY SEX. I sat down at a desk close to the jukebox. I may see the Chef within the downhome kitchen cooking meals in castiron skillets. The waitress got here to my desk with a menu and began laughing. “Your eyes are SOoooo RED. Sonior!”
“Oh, I bought just a little Smoke In My Eyes from town bus standing on the nook,” I mentioned. “Positive.” she grinned. “What are you going to EAT?” “I feel I’ll have the Spicy Black Beans ‘N Garlic Rice and some TACOooos….”
No sooner was the phrase out of my mouth than a ravishing Latin Daughter walked by means of the door and sat down proper subsequent to me. I needed to say one thing to her as a result of she appeared as LONELY as I. “Que Pasa?” I requested in Afro-Anglo Ghettoese. “Nada.” she mentioned.
“I don’t need you to assume I’m making an attempt to select you up or being the Sexist Pig, however would you thoughts sitting with me? Though I’m typically misunderstood. I’m actually the SENSITIVE MALE TYPE!” (I ACTUALLY SAID THAT!)
“Positive. Man, I’ll be a part of you.” It was like a CHRISTMAS PRESENT come true! We ordered an excellent meal, performed the jukebox and had an excellent clever dialog. We spoke of Politics, Tradition. Race, and Revolution. It was OUR WORLD that night time, and it was COOL.
However the Actual World was to come back crashing down on us. A small group of fellows got here into the restaurant. I actually didn’t pay a lot consideration to them, however one in every of them got here as much as play the jukebox. He saved trying over at me whereas he was taking part in the field. Then his Boys I came to visit and began BUZZIN’, talkin’ I TRASH in entrance of the LADY I used to be with! I “What’s wetch yu. Maaaan?”
“Simply having a great time, Brother.” I mentioned. “Effectively, we don’ like yu HAT, Maaaan.” Maria whispered to me that they thought due to the RED BERET I used to be a LATIN GANG MEMBER.
“Hey Dude. I’m only a lonely, poor, All American Dread.”
“Yeah, shurr, and also you trine to take OUR WOMEN, too!” (The place have I heard this earlier than?)
To make an extended story brief, the Natives have been Getting Very Stressed with me and my Date. She murmured some thick Spanish to them and grabbed my hand: “Let’s bolt the FUCK outta HERE!” We did a quickstep by means of the door with the “Bandidoes” sizzling on our asses! Throughout the road we leapt into her rusted out Chevy. She fired it up, spun a FISHTAIL round, and because the fellas have been slinging bottles at us she waved at them, shrieking: “MOSQUITOES! Felice Navidad, you POQUITO MOSQUITOES!” Then she kissed me on the cheek and promised, “I’ve an exquisite Christmas Current for you. Let’s go UNWRAP it….”
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