Effectively, uh, Excessive Occasions known as me and stated they had been dedicating this challenge to intercourse or some such and that I ought to write some such. Since intercourse is likely one of the primary actions folks get excessive for, and since I’ve been requested “How does it really feel to be a intercourse image?” a few thousand million instances within the final six months, all of it appears very pure, and in any case nature is gonna win it doesn’t matter what all you suckers do.
Intercourse sells extra magazines, books, motion pictures, data,and so forth., than the rest. Solely violence runs a detailed second, with alien craft and medicines tied for third. I want I had invented intercourse.
“So inform us the way it feels to be a intercourse image, Debbie.”
“Effectively Johnny… uh, why don’t you go fuck your self with a double water-spurting, pulsating, rubber, motorized, body-temperature dildo—then and solely then will you realize the reality, the reply you will have sought.”
The actual reality is that I discovered about intercourse on the zoo. As a cute however clumsy 4 yr previous, I used to be taken to the Central Park Zoo by my mother. We stood peacefully watching the bears whereas they sat and scratched themselves, when out of the blue got here superjerk in his weather-beat-in raincoat (à la Columbo) flashing his worn-out privates. My mother was pissed off. I couldn’t have cared much less, besides he appeared to have three of ’em and I couldn’t get a lot of an evidence from my mother.
Years later I found that the male of the species is supplied with nuts and that these in actual fact had been what I had mistaken for 2 further wangs.
My solely sex-related drawback is the sudden organic urge on the most inappropriate time, e.g., strains on the grocery store or crowded buses and elevators. And if I may be fully open with all of you perverts, the grocery store is the place for a turn-on. I can’t say precisely what it’s that turns me on: the intense lights, the Muzak, the smells of the deli division floating across the aisles or the bloodied uniforms of stiff white-duck materials. I don’t know, I don’t know. And it doesn’t price 25 cents to get in!
Pinball is intercourse. The flashing lights, the strain, the facade, the rating, the climax and anticlimax, and in any case, as the professionals say, “All you want is one good ball.”
Sport exhibits on TV are intercourse—massive orgasms as we see what’s within the field! Everybody is aware of rock ’n’ roll is intercourse.
Simply intercourse is just not actually intercourse as a result of it’s non-public and also you’re not supposed to consider it. Higher it is best to go beat certainly one of your pals to loss of life with a meat ax. That might be a lot much less perverse.
I can solely consider one market the place intercourse has not been completely exploited: furnishings. We use furnishings most in reference to lively and passive intercourse.
I received a sofa
Formed like a penis
I simply hope
It don’t come between us.
Effectively, when Wayne County noticed this sofa of mine, he was match to be crammed with “Crocodile Tears.” (The Mumps.) I couldn’t blame him, in any case these years of looking the forty second Road and Village intercourse outlets for battery-powered cock rings and padded rest room seats, the poor factor was exhausted. I’m stunned that there isn’t extra furnishings like these tables in Clockwork Orange or much more bidets like in Europe.
I actually did have a sofa formed like a penis, solely it made certainly one of my chairs pregnant, and I threw them each the fuck out.
In order that’s my report. Don’t imagine every thing you learn, nevertheless, particularly issues associated to rock ’n’ roll, since nobody within the enterprise can learn or write, particularly rock ’n’ roll writers and/or musicians. And bear in mind, boys, when you’re uninterested in shaving, get laid extra, so your hormones come out of your cock as an alternative of your face.
Love and X,
Debbie “Blondie” Harry
Learn the total challenge right here.